The Davebrand Monthly Visitor

Imogen Heap, Speak for Yourself.

She’s half of the duo Frou Frou, and her energetic, layered, very digitized and electronic dance beats compliment her vocal psuedo-harmonies. Dig it.

Hey all, three changes:

1) You can now make comments on the blog. You can register here.
2) I’ve added a link to the Movie Database.
3) I just got back from Seattle and posted some photos in the Gallery..

So I walk into CVS on November 2 to buy some anal cream, and they already have their Christmas displays up.

November-f**king-second.

CVS: You’re on notice.

So I’ve been thinking about the reasons that I hate Christmas, and I wanted to start with that icon of niceness, Santa Claus.

Yes, Santa Claus. You may think he’s a saint, but I think he should be labeled “Satan” Claus. He’s evil, and he has us all fooled. Well, no more! Let me be the first to expose this fraud for who he is really is: a pawn of the government.

That’s right, he’s watching you, brother. You’re on his list. Naughty? He’s got you. Nice? Yeah, like that list is so long. No, Santa Claus is nothing more than an arm of the FBI/CIA intelligence cabal that distorts our media into accepting them while disguised as a harmless old man who brings you presents.

And while he’s not surveilling your house and following you around the neighborhood, he’s busy making elves work in his isolated North Pole workshop. For free. That’s right, Christmas is built on the backs of un-unionized slave elf labor. The “North Pole” is just a disguised sweatshop, another instrument of capitalism gone unchecked. And why does Santa use his secret base at the North Pole? To get around labor laws!

I say, free the elves! Let them unionize, form a group! Give the elves a chance. Free them from the North Pole, which is melting fast, and let’s face it — Santa’s polluting industrial pit isn’t helping. But there’s hope — a big jolly fat guy likely doesn’t have the stamina to make it to shore after falling through the ice.

Next on my list of reasons why Satan, I mean Santa, should be locked up is the fact that he only delivers presents to Christians. Is that a very Christian thing to do, ole St. Nick? What about the Jews and Hindus? Don’t they deserve your consumerists nightmare of toys and socks and presents?

Just look at the message Santa is bringing us — buy, buy, buy! Well, time to say ‘bye, bye, bye’ to that corporate ‘ho, ho, ho’.

And one last thing — how does Santa deliver these toys? By coming down your chimney, eating your food and drink, and then escaping in the night. That doesn’t sound like a mythical fantasy saint, that sounds like old fashioned B&E. It’s time to call the cops on this man. Don’t be fooled by his nice exterior —