Just a Thought
If the White House went after terrorists with the same Zeal that they went after critics, they probably wouldn’t have a problem with either.
And I guess the only “Mission Accomplished” was the wholesale perversion of Democracy.
Anti-Gay Marriage Demonstrators Seen Giving Hand Job
Is it just me, or are these protestors in Massachusetts here touching each other in a special area?
Bush Hires Fortune Teller as New National Security Advisor
Bush Says He Had No Advance Warning of 9/11
By Caren Bohan, 3/25/2004
NASHUA, New Hampshire (Reuters) - President Bush insisted on Thursday he had no advance warning of the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks as he challenged the assertions of a former aide who accused him of not placing a high enough priority on pursuing al Qaeda prior to the tragedy.
Visiting a community college in the election swing state of New Hampshire, Bush tried to shore up his credibility on national security, which may be key to stopping Democrat John Kerry from taking the White House from him in November.
“Had I known that the enemy was going to use airplanes to strike America, to attack us, I would have used every resource, every asset, every power of the government, to protect the American people,” Bush said, appearing with Cheryl McGinnis, the wife of a pilot killed in the attacks.
“No, really,” Bush stated, “if I had known, I would have done something! But I had no idea there was even this guy out there, that Al Kayda fella. Terrorists? Who knew?”
“So from now on, I’ve ordered my intelligence team to tell me about all attacks on America at least ten months in advance. I mean, it’s no fair if it just comes as a suprise! We don’t want things to just fall out of the sky… oops, sorry.”
“So Pow-pow, Ashy, the Chenster, and Mr. Rummy are under strict orders not to allow anything to happen unless we plan for it months in advance.”
“Because, really, if I know about something, I’ll prepare for it! Who knew this would happen? Not me! Not you! Maybe that Clarke fella, but who listens to him? I thought his advice was nuts. That’s why no one told me about it.”
“In fact, Dicky-bird likes to say that it’s best if I don’t know about things, since I might talk about them.”
“So when I heard rumors about tearists, I thought to myself, ‘Dubya, what would Jesus do?’ Hell, he’d go back to Texas, just like I did!”
“That’s why I really thought the best thing to do was ignore it. Hell, I was so busy planning the invasion of Iraq, it’s amazing I knew anything else at all!”
Bands You Should Be Listening To
People often ask us here at Davebrand, Inc. what music we are listening to. And Davebrand answers, often in the form, “What, the music on my CD or the music in my head?”
Well, for your listing and listening pleasure, I now present 3 artists that if you’re not listening or listing to, then I am:
NEWSFLASH! October 24, 2004: Osama bin Laden caught with secret documents!
Guantanamo Bay, Cuba — Osama bin Laden was captured today in a prison cell in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, where he had been hiding out for the past 11 months. In his cell were found thousands of secret computer files on his iBook that linked bin Laden to Saadam Hussein, the rise of Communism, and Major League Baseball.
“Su loco hombres!!” Osama was quoted as yelling as he was being dragged down the hallway. “Mi Dios! Help me! Yo no Osama! Me llama Juan! Yo estoy de Habana!”
Suprisingly, bin Laden was caught without his trademark beard and turban, and was actually found sweeping and cleaning the cells.
In addition to numerous documents pinpointing where the purported weapons of mass destruction in Iraq were kept, bin Laden also kept a complete list of funders to the Democratic Party, which he was secretly in charge of.
The National Endowment for the Arts held a press briefing today stating that “we know nothing about bin Laden’s secret documents that prove that our liberal organization was funded by terrorists.”
At President Bush’s daily press conference, he told the nation that “this is a great day. The spectre of 9/11, which has loomed over my administration for so many years, since 1998, in fact…. The economy is so good right now! We’ve only lost 100,000 jobs this month! In fact, that’s the best month in years. Wait. And since I’m a war president, and served so well in Vietnam, where I flew missions to bomb the heck out of those evil King Kongs, what with that giant monkey terrorising Asia…”
