AD THREE:
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ANNOUNCER: Welcome, friends, to the story you demanded to hear: the Story
           Behind Heath and Dave's Tree Lager. And now, the two most powerful 
           men on the planet -- Heath and Dave.

HEATH & DAVE: Hello.

HEATH: Hi, my name is Heath, and next to me here is my good friend Dave. As
       you know, a couple of years ago we came to Texas with an idea and a 
       dream.

DAVE: That's right - and that dream involved leather and a pair of ice tongs.

HEATH: But lucky for us, we didn't find either of those. What we did
       find was a midget with a map of the greatest untapped pine tree
       reserve in the world.

DAVE: The little man offered to sell us the map at a fair price. But his
      price seemed, shall we say, a little out of our range.

HEATH: So we did the only thing we could - we beat him senseless.

DAVE: Taking the map and fleeing for our lives, we arrived in East Texas,
      which is a lot like Canada, only not so much.

HEATH: That's right, and with nothing more than a toothpick and half a dozen
       bulldozers, we ravaged the land and cut that forest down.

DAVE: Oh, some had their "complaints." One man even went so far as to call
      us "ruthless imperialists." 

HEATH: But we shot him, and he ain't talking so much now, brother.

DAVE: We did this because we were determined to bring a new alcoholic beverage
      into the world. We tried everything.

HEATH: First we tried a drink made with dirt. It's free and it's everywhere. 
       But no one wanted to drink dirt, so we moved on.

DAVE: Then we tried Sheep's Bladder Ale. 

HEATH: And then, inspiration struck.

DAVE: We tried to fight it, but inspiration did come.

MUSIC: <inspirational theme song begins. maybe Battle Hymm of the Republic.>

HEATH: And with a forest of virgin pines, we began to brew a drink that
       could make a blind man smell again - Heath and Dave's Tree Lager.

DAVE: Yes, a potent elixir of pulp and sap, Heath and Dave's Tree Lager
      and Heath and Dave's Tree Lagerlite became the best selling drink
      on the market, replacing all Colas, milk, and water.

HEATH: And with the profits from our empire, we bought a small South
       American country, and now we continue our quest of world 
       domination.

DAVE: So go to the store and grab a case of HEATH AND DAVE'S TREE LAGER.

ANNOUNCER: Heath and Dave's Tree Lager, and Tree Lagerlite. More powerful
           than a stampeding herd of elephants, and almost as refreshing.
           And now introducing: Heath and Dave's Beer Chips.

<pause>

DAVE: Heath, what are these Chips?

HEATH: I think the question is "Who was this Chip?"

END