AD TWO:

SOUNDFX: [ glasses clanging. ]

MAN: Hey Bartender - give me something out of the ordinary.

BARTENDER: Uh, how about Zima? A clear, malt beverage?

MAN: Zima? That's for saps. Got anything else?

BARTENDER: Well, we do have Industrial Strength Mead. But I warn you, 
           it's got quite a kick.

MAN: No, no. Give me something different. Mead is too pulpy. Mead is a drink
     for young boys who watch Richard Simmons. Maybe I should go somewhere else.

BARTENDER: Ok, sir, I can suggest one drink... well, perhaps it's too much.

MAN: What? What do you have that I can thirst for? 

BARTENDER: Alright... I do have... Heath and Dave's Tree Lager. A mountainous
           pine-based fluid that destroys a man's liver faster than 
           pirhannas can eat a cow.

MAN: Heath and Dave's Tree Lager? Could the Gods have been so kind? I must...
     [ insert Shattner impression here ] I must try it!

SOUNDFX: [ long gulps ]

BARTENDER: [ while gulping ] But sir! No one's ever consumed a whole glass 
           before! I fear for your soul! Can you be saved?

SOUNDFX: [ gulps end; long "ahhhh!" of relief ]

MAN: Oh! What a drink! Heath and Dave's Tree Lager! I will never be sober 
     again!

ANNOUNCER: Heath and Dave's Tree Lager. No mere mortal can handle it.